At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
