Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You brought string cheese to the strip club
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
