Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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