I am puke
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
