Your dad touched me again.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
