I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
