Apparently you make a good broom.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Randomize
