An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
