Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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