I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
