You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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