Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
