You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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