Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
