they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
