I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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