I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
