i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
