I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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