my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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