i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize