WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
