im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
