slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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