there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
