I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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