I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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