I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
These tits shall not be calmed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
