I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
