Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
