STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
