I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
