how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
