brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
