You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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