I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
