Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize