theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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