Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
