My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
