I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
