We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
