My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
