we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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