Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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