Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
