1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
