Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Randomize
