the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
