and you said cock pushups were impossible
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize