remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
