the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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