You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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