A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
