Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
