I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
