So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
