how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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