sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I AM VODKA MAN
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
