My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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