We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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