why didn't you poke me back
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
