this boner is exhausting
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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