I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
