ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
