I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
