so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
