The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
