Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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