He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
