He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
