Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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