I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
