This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I could fuck to npr.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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