I'm really into asian looking animals
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
