i would punch a child for taco bell
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
