Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize