He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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