I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
