Small penises have feelings too.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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