Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
