chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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