i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
