Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
