what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
