Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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