There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
