Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize