FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
