Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
