I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
