so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
