Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
