so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
