i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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