I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
