And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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