How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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