What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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