I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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