I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
