i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize