the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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