I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
