Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
