if you like me you must not know who I am
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
