What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
