I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
