We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize