Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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