I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
